Farewell Fátima, Christmas came to our house, my best present ever , to Montrondo with Elliot, tribute to my best friend.

Sunday 8th December 2019

Fátima and I together in 1995 - we were inseparable

How are you doing? My week started beautifully but ended in tragedy as you will read. 

Last Sunday was 1st December and unusually for me we put up the Christmas decorations. I say unusually because I don't often put them up so early. However, I had got into the spirit of the season when we went into the city to do some Christmas shopping. One of the reasons too was to have them up and ready for the annual Christmas dinner party at our house with Julio and Fátima which was supposed to be tonight. My friend loved all the decorations and thought our house was like Christmas Wonderland. 

Last Sunday was a foul day for weather and we didn't venture out all day. I spent the morning making lunch (cocido madrileño) as Oli and Miguel who were coming. At about 11 am, Eladio and I started decorating the house. My ever pessimistic husband commented we would soon be taking them down again, hahaha. He was not brought up on Christmas traditions the way I was in England. It's my influence in the house that makes sure we have a Christmas up to my childhood expectations. Here he is with one of the big boxes and the small artificial tree we've had for years, in our lounge just as we were about to start.

Starting the decorating

While doing the job together I remembered all the times the girls had helped me create Christmas at home. Last year Suzy helped me and this year she won't be here. The carols I put on to accompany us cheered me up though as did lots of the mechanical gadgets I have gathered over the years when we checked to see if their batteries still worked hahaha.

It was about 13.30 while I was putting the last decorations on the tree when Miguel arrived with little Elliot who was fast asleep in his carry on car seat. We just had to place him under the tree as if he was a present. He is our best Christmas present ever.

Elliot our best Christmas present ever

Soon Oli was home after going swimming. We all had a superb lunch and then as it is the season had lots of different "turrón" (Spanish nougat hard and soft and typical at Christmas). We all had to sleep off the food afterwards and then having time on my hands I sat in the big lounge with my book - the biography of Princess Alice, mother of Prince Philip the Duke of Edinburgh - enjoying the atmosphere. I mused that Christmas had now come to our house. I had to take some photos of course but they don't do much justice. Our house does look a bit like a miniature winter wonderland with all the decorations I have collected over the years. There are 3 from my childhood, a piece of holly with silver bells and two gold painted pine cones. I remember my mother collecting the cones and George and I painting them with gold. I placed them lovingly on our tree in memory.

Christmas in the big lounge

Miguel left in the pouring rain at about 7.15 to drive back to Valencia as he was working this week. He left Oli and Elliot in good hands. Oli and I read and chatted while the little one slept for just a bit. I made our dinner, a healthy meal of baked fish and vegetables and we enjoyed chatting around the table afterwards. That evening I helped Oli bathe her darling boy, something I love doing with her.

The evening ended with us watching Salvados all about what is going on in Bolivia after Evo Morales was exiled in Mexico. It is difficult to know who to blame for all the troubles there. We then watched the final episode of season 1 of The Crown all about the impossible marriage of Princess Margaret to Peter Townsend. That was terribly unfair. I remember my mother always feeling sorry for the Princess as I think most of the country did at the time. That was the 50's and a member of the Royal family could not marry a divorcee. Thankfully things have changed today.

Monday came, the day we were going to Montrondo. Monday was also the start of the Climate Change talks in Madrid, COP 25, which should have been held in Chile but due to the disturbances there too, it moved to the capital of the country I live in. I wondered whether it would make any difference. I often wonder that about big summits. 

While that most important event was beginning, we were getting ready to set off to Montrondo via León with little Elliot. It was to be his first trip to the family's village. I remember bringing Suzy there for the first time some 35 years ago when the original house was there and no other houses had been built. There were no bathrooms at the time which was a challenge. I remember too waking up in the middle of the night to find a large spider on my baby's face. Things have progressed and we all now have smart houses which are warm and fully equipped a big difference from when I first came here with my first baby. Our girls spent all their summers here as children and were very happy as it is such a safe place. I can imagine Elliot following in their footsteps.

When you have a baby you can't rush so we didn't leave until about 11 am. He sat in his fancy, modern car seat - a far cry from how our girls traveled - and slept most of the way till Rueda, our favourite "watering hole". We always stop at the Palacio de Bornos and it is the highlight of the trip where we always have  a glass of wonderful white wine and a plate of ham and lomo. Poor Oli couldn't have the wine of course as she is breast feeding. 

Oli, Eladio and Elliot at Palacio de Bornos

That was to be our lunch. Dessert was some of the lovely white chocolate with almonds we always buy there.

Our next stop would be León where we went to see Eladio's mother at her senior citizen residence. She was to meet little Elliot for the first time, her 12th great grandchild. She was delighted to meet him although I'm not sure she knew who he was. But she loves babies and always has and kissed him with a lot of love. We had to have a photo to capture the moment of 4 generations in one picture. So here is Elliot with his mother, his grandfather and his great grandmother in what makes for a beautiful image.

4 generations in one photo

It was not only Eladio's mother who was delighted with Elliot`s visit but all her companions. I think we made their day.

From the residence we went to see Oli's aunts to show them the baby too. We were on the road again at about 5 pm and didn't get to Montrondo until it was dark. It was cold when we got there as it was throughout our stay but soon we were inside with little Elliot bundled up in a blanket just in case. Thankfully we can turn the heating on remotely. Even so, I got Eladio to put the fire on in the lounge and soon we had a nice warm house. We settled in quickly and also made our dinner quickly as we were all hungry since our plate of ham at Rueda.

I had brought only enough food for dinner and breakfast because there was no room in the car owing to all of Elliot's baby paraphernalia, especially his pram. With what I had brought we made a scrumptious dinner and then sat by the fire and the TV to watch the news. Elliot spent most of his time feeding, just looking up occasionally hahaha. We were all tired, especially Eladio, so were in bed by 11 pm.

Tuesday 3rd December came and it was Pippa's 5th birthday. Once more I have to say, how time flies. What a joy this little dog has brought to our lives. It was on her birthday that I finally managed to get a photo of little Elliot and her together, lying down peacefully. Pippa who is not good with children has now understood that our new baby is part of the "pack" and is very gentle with Elliot. Here they are lying together. No worries my friends, we would still not leave them together alone. But I do love to see this image, my two great loves together.

Pippa and Elliot lying down together peacefully

For her birthday Pippa got bits of chorizo, some of our lamb steak and also a few prawns. No cake for her, she far prefers protein hahahaha.

It was cold all day but beautifully sunny and at about 11 am off we went to Villablino, the nearest town, some 19km away along the most amazing mountain road. It was to be Elliot's first trip there and he behaved beautifully. We went to Gadis, that superb supermarket which is only located in the north of Spain unfortunately. Here we stocked up on provisions for the week and more.

Shopping at Gadis with Elliot

As tradition dictates, after our shopping we went to have a coffee at a nearby bar called "La Clave". We sat by the window with the sun streaming in and couldn't have felt more content. Little Elliot was oblivious to the moment, preferring to sleep on Eladio's shoulders.

Coffee in Villablino

Before we left, Oli wanted to buy some more Christmas lottery and so we did. Thus we packed little Elliot into a baby haversack (if that's what it's called) which Eladio wore for the first time. I think he loved it and the baby didn't move.  Oli and I bought 2 tickets each with the same numbers so that if they were winning tickets we would both win. I wonder if we will though as the lottery owner said the Christmas lottery had never been won at her establishment. Well, we like to dream don't we. Oli took this photo of us with our tickets outside the kiosk.

With our lottery tickets in Villablino

We were home by 2 pm and had lunch late. Then it was time for a short nap before going out again. We went for our walk at about 5 pm and would just have one hour's day light. It was freezing cold but we were all wrapped up well.

On Elliot's first walk in Montrondo on Tuesday

It was to be Elliot's first walk in Montrondo. On our way we passed several villagers; Pili, Josefa and Salo who were all delighted to meet the new baby.

The evening was spent leisurely making our dinner and later watching a new film on Netflix, The Irishman, by Scorsese with actors Al Pacino and Robert de Niro. It has been heavily promoted but none of us were impressed.

Wednesday came and brought bad news but I wasn't to hear about it until later in the afternoon. All the days we were in Montrondo I was in contact with my dear friend Fátima who was so ill and everything seemed fine. To tell the truth I didn't want to go away in case she had a turn for the worse but last weekend she seemed fine. That morning a friend, Vicente, an ex Motorola colleague rang me as he was worried she hadn't answered his call. That was quite normal I assured him as my friend often doesn't respond to her phone. That morning too, Julio and I agreed a date for our annual Christmas dinner at our place so I rang my friend too. There was no answer. I then tried her daughter and their house phone to no avail.

So off we went on our walk with the niggling feeling something wasn't right but I told myself not to worry as neither of the Fátimas usually answer. Our walk was glorious and sunny. Elliot slept throughout in his state of the art pram. We walked to Senra and back which is about 8 km so quite a stretch. On our way we saw the cows and horses in the fields enjoying the sun. They were a sight for sore eyes, especially these piebald ones with the backdrop of the snow capped mountains.

Horses in the fields against a backdrop of snow capped mountains on our walk on Wednesday

Leaving Murias for Senra, once again I looked at the small red door of the last house of the village. I commented to Oli what a tiny door it had, shorter even than me and I am only 5ft 4 inches or was as no doubt age has made me shrink. Oli had to have a photo and this is it; me by the little red door in Murias de Paredes.

Me by the little red door on the way out of Murias and which is shorter even than me. 

Our destination was the bar in Senra with the grumpy owner, Cumbres de Omaña. There we enjoyed a coffee sitting outside in the sun; sun in December which I always appreciate.

Coffee in the sun in Senra on Wednesday

We came home for me to finish making our lunch; fresh hake fried in breadcrumbs with runner beans and carrots and then it was time for the news. The stories of the day were the Nato summit in London and the COP25 event in Madrid. Oli and I watched a silly film on Netflix while Elliot played up all afternoon.

It was then that I finally got news about my friend. Her daughter rang to tell me that that morning at 8 am, she had been rushed to hospital after a coughing attack which had left her unable to breathe. I heard how my poor dear friend was attached to oxygen with one lung not functioning and the other one only at 30% and that she had pneumonia. I was devastated to hear how ill she was and that she was in hospital while I was far away in Montrondo. I told Oli and Eladio that we should cut short our trip and return home as soon as possible the next day so that I could be with Fátima and her family. I so regretted having left Madrid and wished I had never come. But there was nothing I could do until I got back which was so frustrating.

I had invited the village ladies to afternoon tea the next day but I had to cancel the invitation. I went over to Salo's house to tell her and Pili and Josefa who were there with her. After telling them the very sorry reason, I spent some lovely time in their company and they cheered me up with village news.

I came home to make our dinner, helped by Olivia while Elliot's grandfather looked after him. Later Eladio and I watched more of The Crown which helped me take my mind off worries about my friend in hospital. I couldn't wait to get home and be with her and hoped and prayed all would be alright although I dreaded the worst.

I was awake at 6.15 on Thursday morning. I wanted to leave as soon as possible but with a baby you just can't rush. We weren't home until 4. I was about to leave in my car when Fatíma daughter rang to say that at an hour earlier they had sedated my best friend. I was by her side some 20 minutes later until she took her last breath. I am eternally grateful to her family for letting me be with them at that most intimate moment. I can only hope my best friend and soul sister could hear me say goodbye and tell her how much I love her. We were all devastated and stayed with her for many hours until we really had to go. I felt bereft but above all I felt so terribly sorry for her darling daughter. They were one person in two and her sweet and loving daughter Fátima now has to face life without her. That tears me apart.

If that day, 5th December was one of the most difficult in my life, the next day was equally or even more so. I was up early and printed photos of Fátima to put in the funeral parlour. I was there by 9.30 and soon many familiar faces were turning up. The family came together in mourning and we all tried to comfort them as much as we could. The funeral was to be at 5 pm and I came home with Eladio, Oli and little Elliot to have lunch.  Before leaving for the funeral, I took the time to read through all my whatsapp messages with my dear friend Fátima. They are part of what I have left of her. In so many of her messages she tells me just how much she loves me. They brought me comfort as I read them and no doubt I shall read them again and again. Many people have comforted me, old colleagues and friends and I am very grateful.

We arrived just on on time  and her family let me see her for the last time ever when they removed the lid of her coffin to say our final goodbyes. What a moment.  The funeral in the chapel was beautiful. I was honoured to be one of the people to read during the mass but it was Fátima junior's moving speech that had us all crying and clapping. She wanted the funeral to be happy, for us not to wear black and to be a celebration of her mother's life and that is what is was.  Yesterday I wrote a tribute to my best friend which you can read below:

Tribute to Fátima, my best friend and soul sister.

My dearest, dearest friend. I can’t  believe you are no longer with us anymore. What am I going to do without you? You have been my friend and soul mate since we first met as young women in 1990 when we worked for Motorola, aged just 29 (you) and 33 (me). Our friendship was forged forever when we were sent on a trip together to the Tour of Catalonia with the Motorola Cycling team. Overnight we became best friends. We told each other our life stories and yours was a miracle.

Your mother gave birth to you after just 6 months of pregnancy. There was little chance of your living. You were born at one of the infamous clinics in Madrid where babies were robbed. You were nearly robbed, you nearly died. Your mother named you after the Virgin of Fátima and you lived. We are all grateful for that.

When you were dying you told me you were grateful for a wonderful life. You are very generous because your life wasn’t always wonderful but you are the most positive person I have ever known and whatever the obstacles, you lived life to the full with a permanent smile on your face. You were a very good person. Sometimes I said you were too good for this life. Ah but you hated injustice (I always said you should have been a judge or a lawyer). And when injustice crossed your life you fought like a lioness to make things good. You are the strongest person I have ever known; so strong that you fought your 4^th stage irreversible cancer and lived life to the full, getting the most out of the three years you lasted. Most people would have given up. But you had something unjust to fight for, leaving behind your one and only adored daughter, Fátima who is just a teenager.

Her life is a miracle too. I remember when you were nearly 40, regretting not having had a child and then, by magic, you got pregnant. I think I was the first person to know. You had a difficult pregnancy, being bed ridden for 9 months and I was there for you as you were always there for me. I used to take you food which we called “meals on wheels”.  After your miracle daughter was born, you lived for her and for her alone. Your capacity for love was amazing. Your last words to everyone were “I love you, I love you, I love you”.  You went in peace with yourself and with life, your only regret, leaving your most beloved daughter alone in the world aged just 19. You made us all promise to look after her and that is what we shall try to do. She will be without her adored mother but loved and cared for by her Uncle Manolo and Aunt and Uncle Gloria and Carlos and their two wonderful daughters, Piyoyo (Gloria) and Sara, who are like sisters to her. She will also have your whole network of friends looking out for her.

At work we became known as “Pin and Pon” because we were inseparable. We loved that and decided you would be “Pin” and I would be “Pon” because you were thinner than me. We were young and beautiful at the time but neither of us were really aware of it. We worked alongside each other for 9 years at Motorola and then I went to work for Nokia. I had to have you there with me and our fellow friend, Julio, hired you when you were 9 months pregnant. We became close and the three of us were like the “3 musketeers”.  

The 3 Nokia musketeers: Fátima, Julio and me

You studied to be a lawyer but your job was as a telecommunications engineer. I wonder how many engineers could do the job of a lawyer? But you could have done any job as you were so clever and intelligent. You were always much more so than me and got me out of more than one scrape. No one ever knew I was useless at excel sheets.  Despite years in the corporate world they were always a challenge. But you were there to help me, you were always there. We made a good team. I always did the glamorous work and you always did the hard work needed for my events to be a success. You did so to perfection because that was how you were; a hard worker and perfectionist. You were the hard worker and I was the creative person always coming up with crazy ideas that you loved.  You were the good girl and I was the bad girl. So, what drew us to each other? Our sense of humour and sense of fun was part of it. We always had fun working together and whenever there was a challenge our laughter got us through whatever was overcoming us. 

Laughing together

Working alongside you was my best professional experience ever. We complemented each other and made the best team ever at work and at play.

Whenever we could we made sure our business trips coincided. So close were we, more than one suspected we were lovers which used to make us laugh. Far from it, we were like sisters. Fátima you are the sister I never had but you know that.

In the three years since you were diagnosed with that most dreaded illness, cancer, I came to admire you even more than before if that is possible. You fought the disease like no one ever has. You even amazed your doctors with your attitude. Your positive attitude and will to live, to fight the biggest injustice of your life, made you live those 3 years to the full. You didn’t even look ill, you didn’t even lose your hair so it was difficult to believe you were. I think I was in denial, never really believing that we would lose you until just a month ago or you told me. You told me your doctor had said there was no more treatment and that you had just one month or two to live. That’s when I finally faced the facts. We hugged and cried together. You astounded me by telling me you were determined to live every day you had left to the full. You were already on morphine but you kept your promise. I spent a lot of time with you in this last month. You were surrounded by friends and family, holding court with your pain at home and your amazing daughter looking after your every need. You said to me “my dearest, don’t be sad. We all come here to leave this earth. It’s my turn now and I leave at peace and feeling happy, grateful and fortunate for the life I have led, but above all for being so fortunate and grateful because this life has given me the best friend I could ever have. Thank you my friend for being at my side always”.

I was at her side very often or I tried to be. I was in Montrondo in the north of Spain, 4 hours from Madrid when I heard that she had been taken into hospital on Wednesday 4^th December 2019 with pneumonia and little time to live. I shall always regret having gone away and not being there when she was admitted to hospital. I rushed back the next day and was by her side just after she had been sedated. I didn’t get to say goodbye and I can only hope that she heard me talk to her in that last hour before she left us. Her adoring family gave me the privilege of being with her until the end. I sat with her, talked to her, touched her and kissed her with all my love until her last breath at 17.10 on 5^th December 2019, aged just 58; too young to go.

I feel bereft. Who will I turn to now when I need a friend to talk to, to tell her my joys, my troubles and my secrets? She is my other half, my better half because she was a better person than me. I can only console myself living on memories of our friendship and by carrying her in my heart.

Fátima, thank you for being the best friend ever. Thank you for the good times and for the bad times. I love you and will love you always. 

I came home from the funeral with a very heavy heart and managed a few mouthfuls for dinner accompanied by Eladio, Oli and Elliot. It is Elliot who keeps me going.

I was awake at 6.15 yesterday after a very unsettled night. I am grieving I suppose and only time will heal me. Life continued as it does of course and Eladio and I went to do the necessary food shopping. We went to have a coffee too at the churros place nearby. Just as we were about to leave we had the pleasure of seeing Fátima junior, her uncle Manolo, Aunt Gloria and Sara. It was lovely to see them again and I invited them to tea this afternoon. I hope they come.  I need them now as they are all I have left of my dear friend.

We had a quiet lunch with my father, then a short snooze after which Eladio and I went on a well needed walk. The joy of the day was the visit of Oli's school friend, Sonia, who we had not seen for so many years, we hardly recognised her. Here she is holding little Elliot, the light of our lives.

Oli's school friend Sonia with little Elliot yesterday afternoon

The day ended with bathing little Elliot with Oli, a job I love, dinner together and then another episode of The Crown to take my mind of sadder thoughts. Fátima loved that series as she loved and was fascinated by all things British. We both loved Downton Abbey too. One of my loveliest memories of her was when, years ago, we happened to be in London for some business meeting. On the spur of the moment, I suggested that instead of flying home to Madrid, we took the train up to Bradford, my home town as a young girl, to spend the weekend with my parents. I loved the fact that she loved my mother and that my mother loved her. That weekend staying at our old house at 6 Heaton Grove is one of those amazing memories I shall carry with me always. 

Today is Sunday. We had set today for this year's annual Christmas dinner at our house for the "3 musketeers". If Fátima had lived, we would have had our annual January Three Kings' dinner too  at Julio's. But that is not to be and makes me very sad. Thankfully I will have her family here today and I hope she is looking down and can see us, carrying on the tradition, one I will miss terribly as I will miss her terribly. 

Now I have to face life without my best friend. She loved my blog and was an avid reader of it and follower. Life is so unfair isn't it. She, more than anyone would agree.

That's it my friends for this week, one of the worst of my life.

Cheers till next time,
Masha