Secrets to a successful marriage revealed, Grandparent duty week, off to Santa Pola, happy to be by the seaside in February and other stories of the week.

 Santa Pola, Sunday, 4th February, 2024

Lovely to be beside the sea in February

Good morning all from Santa Pola. We have come here to see Suzy and to pick up the Volvo which she says she doesn't need. She had told us it wasn't working so we came in the Mini and will have to drive back in  two cars  now.  Hopefully, whatever was wrong with the Volvo would be fixed during our stay until  Tuesday. As things turned out, it was perfectly ok. It was the "cards" that had told her not to touch it!

This week was grandparent duty week. Our schedule depends on Olivia's husband, Miguel. He works 7 days on and 7 days off. So when he is working and, depending on his timetable, we have to come to the rescue. This week he was sent to Benidorm- the mecca of the worst type of Spanish tourism, to cover the awful music festival to choose Spain's candidate for the Eurovision song contest. So we had to spend a couple of nights with the kids and take them to school. We also had to baby sit while Oli went to her French classes on Tuesday and Thursday.  The weeks we have to babysit mean we can't go away and I am wondering how they will cope when we go off on our road trip in April. I have offered Tana, our housemaid's services but my daughter prefers us to look after the kids. 

But let me rewind to last Sunday where I last left off to tell you about our rather quiet week. I had a headache all day which I couldn't shake off all week. I don't know why but they come and go and have been the bane of my life. Thank goodness though I haven't had a migraine in years. You would have thought our 1 hour power walk would have helped but it didn't. Oli and the kids came for lunch and I made "cocido madrileño" - a meat, veg and chickpea based stew like dish which is a great favourite in the winter.  We managed a coffee together in between and some fruit shopping. At Manacor we spoke again about our travel plans. I am gradually getting Eladio round to the idea of another road trip instead of flying somewhere exotic. We thought of all the historical and interesting places we haven't seen in Greece and Turkey, so .... watch this space again.

You wouldn't believe we had 7 guests in the house that night representing Morocco, Iraq, Portugal, Colombia and Spain. Include the 3 of us and you have England and Paraguay to add to the list. Oh my! It was full house all this week. The good thing though is that everyone was out during the week and they all ate at different hours so the kitchen was never really full.

There is not much to say about Monday. We went for our walk - have been very good about them this week. We had coffee again at Manacor and Oli joined us for lunch. She took 3 days off work to take the kids to school, leaving us with just two days of that responsibility. We talked at lunch about the Spanish made film, The Society of Snow - the new film about the Andes crash in 1972 with 45 people on board. It has been nominated for best foreign film at the Oscars and I hope it wins. 15 of them were members of a Uruguayan rugby team. I watched it recently and it's not as good as the previous one, Alive but it got me interested once again on what happened. Olivia admitted she is equally obsessed. I remember the story as a teenager and it has always fascinated me just as the story of the Titanic has.  She got me watching a great documentary on RTVE Play made on the 30th anniversary of the crash which I found even more interesting than the films. You can only see it in Spain or with a Spanish VNP. Called "Stranded! The Andes Plane Crash Survivors" (also on YouTube) , it interviews many of the survivors. The images  are so good, you often can't tell which are original and which are not. The story for me is one of incredible survival.  It's not the cannibalism which maybe awful but  they had to do it. The part that fascinates me most is how Roberto Canessa and Fernando (Nando) Parrado, aged about 20  led the expedition to find help. To do so they had to cross the Cordillera (mountain range) across to Chile and walk more than 68 miles with very little food and zero equipment for 10 whole days.  That for me is the miracle. I later read the book by Canessa who is now a renowned heart surgeon. Anyway, if you haven't seen The Society of Snow and are interested, I strongly recommend you do. It's on Netflix. 

When Oli had gone I did some shopping (on Amazon). I bought my own birthday presents for next week 8th February. As I spend most afternoons in my pyjamas and dressing gown, that's what I got; all in pink, my favourite colour for lounge wear. I bought them in 5 minutes with a few clicks. If I had gone to the shops I would have had to trail round quite a few  to find such variety. So, again, I am feeding the monster Amazon. Sorry (gulp). 

In my Skype call that afternoon with Amanda  we both spoke of our memories of that crash. We caught up on our lives as we always do. Sometimes we commiserate but often we laugh and I need to laugh these days as you probably know. 

The kitchen early on Tuesday morning was pretty full with my guests  coming and going. One of them, Omar, was making Moroccan tea with a special silver coloured pot and was offering it to all of us. I love Moroccan tea but not in the morning. As you know, it's coffee I need first. It was fun to watch Mohammad from Iraq talking to Omar in Arabic although the former told me it's very different. Eladio saw one of the Moroccans on one of our Persian mats bobbing up and down the other day as he prayed. They leave their shoes outside their bedroom. Many people, many customs. Oh,  how international our house is and that's just how I love it. My Portuguese and Colombian girl students, Inés and Gabriela became fast friends, both studying at the local UEM University. That often happens and it's nice to see. 

By the time Eladio was down for breakfast at around 9.45, all them had gone. Later we went on our walk and then drove to Manacor for coffee in the sun. Again we talked about our trip. 

Lunch was a  quiet affair. Tana had gone into town - to take her monthly wages probably to be sent straight to Paraguay - and we were alone. We had a short siesta and then went to meet Oli and the kids at a park near their school where their friends go. We took her place while she went off to her French lesson. Here are a couple of photos of the kids at the park that day; Juliet on the swings with her grandfather (Booboo) and Elliot on the climbing frame like the little monkey he is.

The kids at the park on Tuesday afternoon

I watched both grandchildren mostly on the small roundabout with their friends and witnessed the new bad language Elliot is learning. Eladio wasn't alarmed and told me to ignore it. In the old days he would have had his mouth washed with soap but these days children get away with everything. They become little dictators and need more boundaries. It was Elliot who tole me when it was time to go home and we took them to their house - more manageable than ours hahaha. We fed them but not with the food their mother had left but with pasta and tomato Elliot chose from the fridge. He kicked up a bit of a fuss but they both eventually had their dinner. I put my foot down at ice cream for dessert and got them to eat strawberries and raspberries instead. Elliot was being a bit too rough and frisky and kept hitting poor Juliet who seemed to be crying most of the time. We heaved a huge sigh of relief when finally their mother walked through the door at 8.30. Soon we were off and home to dinner laid on the table in our dining room - all very civilised. We both admitted we were exhausted after 3 hours with  the kids. 

The end of the day saw me watching an interview with Carlos Sainz (aged 61) who has just won his 4th Dakar rally and must be the oldest to have done so. He has all my admiration. What a guy, really, what a guy. I wonder if he has to do grandfather duty too?

Wednesday came and we were free of grandparent duty until the evening. This time we walked to the nearest shopping centre to have our coffee. 

Eladio with Pippa when we went to have coffee on Wednesday morning

There we bumped into an old friend, Javier (Ares), a rather famous sports commentator in this country. I know him well from my cycling days - the days when I worked for Motorola who sponsored a cycling team. Those were the days, they really were. 

I could not shake off my headache that afternoon and in the end decided on a luxurious jacuzzi where I sank into the scalding water and put my neck against the gushing water. It helped a bit. It probably sounds swanky that we have a jacuzzi in our bathroom but we do as it was there when we bought the house. We hardly ever use it and I would never have bought one myself but that day I was glad to have one. 

Mohammad grabbed me after dinner, wanting a chat. Aged 34, this dear boy who is a Muslim from  Iraq, a rather restrictive country when it comes to equal rights,  wanted to know the secret of  the success of our marriage. I think he is trying to plan his future marriage and wonders how to go about it.

He had been looking at photos of us in the house, specifically of one of our wedding day when Eladio is looking at me with so much love in his eyes and needed to hear the answer. I don't have the photo here, so am including one I particularly like taken in 2005, quite a while back.

Eladio and I in 2005  - always happy together. PS both our teeth were A1 colour in 2005:-(

PPS reading through this just before publishing it, I had to include another photo of us looking very much in love. It's from our St. Valentine's dinner in 2017 and taken by Olivia. Not sure what colour my teeth were by then (hahaha).  Here it is. 

St. Valentine's 2017, showing our love as always. 

Coming back to Mohammad's questions, my advice was to go with the flow and wait for the right person to come along.  To explain myself I taught him an English expression which he loved and which is "a watched pot never boils". More concretely he wanted to know how Eladio knew I was the one for him. That conversation is still pending. Meanwhile,  I gave him my answer but I also gave him a short  lesson on the basic values needed for a partnership to succeed. In my view, apart from a physical attraction, these are: equality (oh how I stressed that) together with freedom and independence and then trust,  respect, admiration, companionship, similar values and love of course. Of all these trust has to come at the top. Without trust there can be no life long happy marriage. Eladio and I trust each other, otherwise we wouldn't still be married. These, in my experience, are the secrets and ingredients of a successful marriage. Would you agree? In a way all the former make up what love is, as I understand it. I explained myself further by saying that after the first passionate phase of a love affair which leads to marriage, the passion is replaced by them all; companionship, respect, admiration, etc. . I hope I gave him the right answer. 

As an afterthought, you may be wondering what attracted me to Eladio. Well, many things. First he was good looking, dark, chunky and handsome. But what I admired about him most was how cultured and knowledgeable he was. He had, after all, studied to be a priest, so his knowledge of theology, logic,  psychology, history, Latin, Ancient Greek, Ancient Hebrew and of course, his main subject, philosophy, made for a very well educated man. But at the same time he has his feet firmly on the ground and, in contrast to my equally academic father, he is very good with his hands and can fix most things. He hails from a rural village in the north of Spain so is good with both animals and the land, not to mention anything to do with fire - oh how he loves making a fire:-). My friend Sandra always calls him "shepherd boy" and he was. But just look how far he has come. He also had a car; something my family never had as neither of my parents drove which was most unusual when I was young. I also admire his manners, the way he treats people with kindness and above all his patience. My girls tend to think I bully him into doing things. The truth is that he is happy to go along with most plans. He is also very difficult to argue with. The result is most unusual as we hardly ever quarrel. Then of course he loves me so much he never looks at other women; not that I am the jealous type. More points in his favour are that he is not the jealous type and gives me as much space as I need. We both give each other space and that, in a tight knit couple, I think, is important. When he reads this maybe he will be thinking what attracted me to him, apart from the fact that I was a pretty and young English blonde girl:). I suppose these days we could say he is the yin to my yang or is it the other way round? Doesn't matter. What I mean to say is we are the balance of two opposites as upfront we are very different. 

Anyway, back to our week. 

Suddenly it was Thursday and the first day of February. We both had a dental appointment that day. Mine was for root canal treatment (ouch) and Eladio just went along for a check up. We have been going to the same dentist, Dr. Garralda in Majadahonda, for more than 30 years and I dread the day he retires. He is fixing my whole mouth and I am hoping I will have Hollywood teeth when he has finished. Eladio - lucky man - only needed dental cleaning as his teeth are virtually perfect. He hadn't been for 2 or 3 years yet each and everyone of them is in its place. He has one implant though - as some stupid dentist removed a tooth when he was in his twenties, one which could easily have been saved. I shall never forget the colour it was ordered in, "A1", the whitest of white teeth. Mine used to be A1 too but no longer thanks to my being a stupid smoker. 

Garralda did a great job and we walked out into sunshine in the street and drove home together for lunch. Thankfully the root canal treatment went well and didn't hurt a bit either during the procedure or after. 

That afternoon we were on grandparent duty for the second time this week and met at the same park - Miguel Hernández, next to the kids school. There we met Olivia at 5.30, shortly after which she disappeared for her French lesson. Tres bien ma fille:-) The kids enjoy the park with their friends and it is the best place to babysit as they are occupied the whole time. Here is a lovely photo of Elliot by the measuring poster the park has. He is just over 1 metre high. In a few years time he will be taller than me.

Measuring Elliot at the park on Thursday

It was Elliot who told me when it was time to go home. So off we went in the Mini with the two of them in the back in their child seats. Once home they both played for a bit. I caught Juliet on camera - she never poses or smiles for the camera, so this is the best I got.

Juliet playing at home on Thursday

When they started playing up we decided it was time for dinner. Oli had left the mixture for me to make some tortilla for them which is their favourite food. But oh my, neither of us could fathom her induction hob. I have used many induction hobs but this one stumped me. So I offered them ham with avocado which they refused. Thankfully I found some more of the same leftover spaghetti bolognese I gave them on  Tuesday which they did accept. 

Poor Eladio had to stay the night - he sleeps better there than I do. So I was able to escape at 8pm. I came home to have dinner alone and then go to bed with Pippa. I also packed for our journey here so as to be able to leave as early as possible on Friday.

I was up at 6 am on Friday morning  after only 4 hours sleep to be at Oli's house on time to help Eladio get the kids ready and take them to school - no easy task. But we managed it. Here is little Juliet in one of the playground toy cars before she entered her attractive looking class.

Little Juliet just before entering her class

By the time we were on the road it was already 10.30 but we were in no hurry. We stopped on the way for a coffee and then a lovely lunch at the Parador in Albacete. We must have got to the flat at around 5 pm and there was Suzy to welcome us. We found a clean and orderly apartment. We also found the Volvo was working and only needed to replace the gas bottle for the heater. It's warm here during the day but the nights are quite cold. It is February after all. We had a simple dinner together and then it was time for bed as I was bushed. My headache was still there but I managed to sleep till 7 in the morning with interruptions of course but at least my tiredness had gone and I was ready for the day.

And what a beautiful, sunny day it was on Saturday. It had a bad beginning though when I got a message from Airbnb with a complaint from a very difficult Chinese guest who had arrived way past the check in time on Friday night. She was nothing but trouble since the moment she booked. Her main complaint was that there was no lock on her door which is clearly stated in the listing. She also complained the room was dirty when I know it was sparkling clean. She had sent in photos of the bedstead and a gap between doors where there was absolutely no proof of dirt. She also complained about paying to use the washing machine, also clear in the rules.  Tana told me she had wanted to wash 2 whole suitcases of clothes when she arrived and was only staying for two nights. She made the complaint and left and you know what? Good riddance, except that the issue had me toing and froing with Airbnb most of the morning. Mohammad who helped Tana to accommodate the guest later told me she was not right in her mind (OMG). I'm happy to tell you though that 99.9% of my guests are great. I feel sorry for the host of the next Airbnb she goes to. 

But I didn't want the issue to spoil my morning so I shoved it out of my mind and we went for a walk and a coffee, the three of us with Pippa of course. We headed to the old coastal road that leads to Santa Pola and parked just before the lovely promenade called Almirante Carrero Blanco. There we had coffee at Ca Pacorro which was buzzing. Oh how wonderful to sit and have coffee in the sun and by the sea. We sat for a while and then went for a long walk. I needed photos for this week's post and Suzy obliged. I have chosen one of them as this week's feature photo and here is another - again the two of us and this time it is me looking admiringly or lovingly at my dear husband. 

Happy on our walk on Saturday - me looking lovingly at my husband and with little Pippa in my arms. 

Pippa is in my arms, of course as, well you know, in this marriage, we are not 2 but 3 (hahaha). 

We spent a long time out in the beautiful sunshine before returning to the car and then heading to get some petrol and some food at the proverbial Mercadona. We came home to have a simple lunch of vegetable soup, fish and cauliflower. That left me hungry in the afternoon and eager for my dinner. I have now been on a sort of diet since the end of Christmas and I eat very healthily but sometimes feel more hungry than usual. Don't worry though, it's my birthday next week and I shall have my cake and eat it - to use another English expression, although it doesn't really apply (hahaha) but seems fitting.

We ended the night watching the news as usual. Oh how depressing it is. The wars continue in Ukraine and Gaza. There is a huge worry that the latter will and is spreading in the region since the US struck Iranian targets in Iraq and Syria this week. When I read of bombs going off in Baghdad, I thought of Mohammad's family. Oh, how worried his parents who are teachers of Psychology at the University there, must be. We later watched a film on Netflix called Will. It's set in Antwerp in WW2 and is interesting but a bit slow so we cut it short and went to bed early.

Today is Sunday and the sun has just come out. I think we shall go the jumble sale later and possibly spend the morning in the pretty town of Villajoyosa. We shall be heading home on Tuesday so next week's post will be published from Madrid as usual, where you can read about the rest of our stay here with Suzy. 

Meanwhile, I wish you all a happy Sunday.

Cheers till next week,

Masha